THE SHELTERING EFFECT OF PLATONIC FRIENDS

by Melody Ellenberger

     Are you one of those singles who goes to party after party and find that you rarely meet anyone new of the opposite sex?  Or are you constantly wondering where you can go to meet someone new?  Perhaps the problem is not where you go, but what you do once you get there.

     It is natural to look for a familiar face as soon as you enter a party or dance; however, if you never go out of your way to talk to someone new, you won’t meet anyone new.  You shelter yourself with platonic friends of the opposite sex because you are perhaps wounded and/or afraid of the unknown.  Your platonic friends are safe and you feel secure in their presence.  You don’t have to worry about rejection when you are with them…or do you???

     Don’t get me wrong—I believe it is very healthy to have friends of both sexes. However, the problem with platonic friends of the opposite sex is that new people don’t know that your opposite sex buddy is "just a friend."  When you are standing next to your buddy, you can’t wear a sign that says:

    That would look pretty silly, wouldn’t it?  Remember, that not everyone knows how to read body language and many times body language is misinterpreted.

    I used to be one of those singles who "sheltered" myself with a platonic male friend. I would even occasionally flirt with him and sometimes he flirted back and the attention boosted my ego.  Sometimes I even hoped that our friendship would lead to romance once we got to know each other well enough.  I would call him occasionally and see him dancing and would hang around him.  But he never wanted to date me and the reason I knew that is because HE NEVER ASKED ME OUT!  Since none of the men that I already knew wanted to date me, I knew that the next man I dated would be a practical stranger.  Duh!  I finally realized that I was avoiding romance and intimacy by being around my platonic male friends, because a new man who might want to talk to me and date me wouldn’t come near me if I "looked" like I was already taken.  To a stranger who is watching a man and woman looking at each other, engaged in conversation, laughing together, smiling, dancing a lot together, it would appear that they are attracted to each other and perhaps even in love.  It is difficult for a stranger to tell that this is a platonic relationship.

    So, how do you avoid that "sheltering effect" of a platonic friendship?  When you go to a party or dance, you will of course want to say "hello" to your platonic opposite-sex friend; but, instead of standing next to him/her all night, just have a short conversation and then excuse yourself and find a place where you can stand alone.  This will make you look "available."  Whether you are a man or a woman, it is always easier to approach someone new who appears to be solo.

    Will you miss the camaraderie of your platonic friends?  Yes, a little.  But you won’t miss the frustration and the disappointment you used to feel at the end of the night when, yet again, you haven’t met anyone new.

Colossians 4:5 – Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.