Article

3 Things to Consider Before Jumping Into Love

Written by Brenda S. Armstrong

This article is courtesy of Christian Single.

Love is important. We all need it. We all want it. God created us for it. And during this month, the pressure is on to find it. Everywhere you turn, there are reminders that you “should” have romance, from rows of Valentine’s Day cards and stacks of boxed chocolates to flowers being delivered to the person in the office next to you.

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For single parents, though, this pressure can become even more complicated. For many of us, even if we think we’re ready for a dating relationship, we may not be. Wondering whether you’re ready for some romantic love? You might want to stop and examine three key issues before taking that plunge.

Getting Ready for Romance
You can’t attract a healthy person unless you are a healthy person first. Take time to answer these questions. If the answer is “yes,” you may want to think twice before rushing toward romance.

1. Do you have a chip on your shoulder? Often people react to divorce or the death of a spouse by “protecting” themselves so well that no one can get through. You might go through this phase if you realize you’re not good at choosing someone to be involved with romantically. The person with a chip may appear to be independent, strong, cold, or calloused when in reality, he or she is wounded and afraid to trust again.

2. Do you need someone? The needy person’s qualifications for a mate are “walks upright and breathes.” This person’s expectations are way too low because he or she really doesn’t feel lovable or deserving of love. This person will do anything for love and somehow believe it will work, even when past experiences show otherwise. This person is in danger because he or she will compromise personal values, sense of self-worth, and a relationship with God to have this second-rate love.

3. Do you give all of yourself to the one you love? Although this is good in a committed marriage, it’s harmful in a dating relationship. “When you sexualize a relationship, powerful pair-bonding mechanisms kick in, and sex itself becomes the center of the relationship,” says Janean Fuller, a once-single mother. “You interrupt the process of discovery just when you need it most.” You can live without physical intimacy in order to build emotional intimacy.

If you identify with any of these approaches, be cautious about getting involved with someone romantically right now. Instead of jumping into a relationship, work through these issues of the heart first.

According to Jeremiah 17:9, the heart can play tricks on us: “The heart is more deceitful than anything else and desperately sick — who can understand it?” If you’re experiencing heart-sickness, seek God’s healing, whether it’s through a qualified counselor, a trusted friend who will hold you accountable, or studying God’s Word.

The Mystery of Love
Here’s a thought: God didn’t create us because He needed someone to love Him — He was complete before He made us. He created us to give us the opportunity to share in what He already had. That’s the mystery of love — being complete individually and sharing your life while becoming one.

God’s love is based on choice, not feeling. In fact, God has been disappointed with His people many times, yet He still loves them. As parents, we love our children because we choose to, not because they’re always lovable. As children of God, we can be thankful that He loves us in spite of any shortcomings or unlovely-ness.

The Fullness of Love
The best thing you can do for you (and your children) is to discover the fullness of God’s love. Fall in love with the One who loves you most. You are worthy of love because He said you are and gave His life to show you.

Once you begin to embrace God’s love, you’ll find yourself becoming a healthy individual as you take time to heal from any issues of the heart. If you’re having trouble grasping the reality of God’s grace, check out Brennan Manning’s The Ragamuffin Gospel.

Take Your Time
Then, should someone come along at the right time and under the right circumstances, take your time. Enjoy getting to know someone in a safe environment. Listen to any concerns your friends and family may have. Observe him or her with friends and family, and determine whether he or she is emotionally stable and growing spiritually. If all this checks out and you believe this is the right person for you, then it’s time for this person to get to know your children.

The Bottom Line
When it comes to matters of the heart, let God decide what is best for you. He may or may not bring a romantic relationship into your life, but as you become more complete in Him, you will become more confident in building quality relationships in all areas of your life.

Brenda S. Armstrong is national speaker and author with a passion for helping single parents realize the hope and plan God has for their lives.

Please contact  ron @ denversocial. com  with questions or comments about this web site.
Last modified: October 23, 2010